You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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