OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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