tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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