i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize