An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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