her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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