So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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