i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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