I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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