dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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