I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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