He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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