I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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