I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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