It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have started to decorate penises.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize