Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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