I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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