Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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