he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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