tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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