I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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