from now on my penis is your penis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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