i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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