i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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