I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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