dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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