you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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