her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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