Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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