So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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