I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize