I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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