Whod you bang
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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