the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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