I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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