I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
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i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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