he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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