Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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