Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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