put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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