i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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