When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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