I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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