can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize