the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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