I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i love accidental penises.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize