Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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