jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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