Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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