Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize